Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade
next
when
his telephone rang.
"Hallo! Mr. Hussein," a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy
down at
the Harp pub in County Sligo, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you
that we
are officially declaring war on you!"
"Well, Paddy," Saddam replied, "This is indeed important news! How
big
is
your army?"
"Right now," said Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is
myself,
my
cousin Sean, my next door neighbour Seamus, and the entire dart team
from
the pub. That makes eight!"
Saddam paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have one million men
in my
army waiting to move on my command."
"Begorra!", said Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back!"
Sure enough, the next day, Paddy called again. "Mr. Hussein, the war
is
still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Saddam asked.
"Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor."
Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 16,000 tanks and
14,000
armoured personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1-1/2
million
since we last spoke."
"Saints preserve us!" said Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you."
Sure enough, Paddy rang again the next day. "Mr. Hussein, the war
is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've
modified
Harrigan's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and
four
boys from the Shamrock pub have joined us as well!"
Saddam was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must
tell
you, Paddy, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My
military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air
missile
sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO
MILLION!"
"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!", said Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back."
Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day. "Top o' the mornin',
Mr.
Hussein! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the
war."
"I'm sorry to hear that," said Saddam. "Why the sudden change of
heart?"
"Well," said Paddy, "we've all had a long chat over a bunch of pints,
and
there's no way we can feed two million prisoners.